What a year. When I sat down to write 32 last year, I had no clue what was about to hit us all in the face: COVID-19. To be honest, the stuff I wrote last year has been extremely applicable to this year in general, eerily so. It’s been nice to re-read it in what’s been nothing short of an insane year.
So with that, onto a year where I learned a ton. The year of the pandemic, but also the year I worked my ass off to get ahead.
1. Don’t take people for granted
Everyone learned this the hard way in 2020. I lost less than most. No family members to COVID, I thankfully haven’t contracted the virus, and my job is steady. That said, there’s been a major loss of connection with others. I used to see friends multiple times per week, but this year it’s been much less, going months at a time without seeing any friends in person. It’s been rough.
Worse than that is the time it’s been since I’ve seen my family. I saw no one in my immediate family (I suppose my wife is my immediate family now, but the family I grew up with is who I’m referencing), neither my parents nor any of my four brothers when I was 32. That’s kind of crazy. It’s a good reminder to take every opportunity to see family and friends that you can in normal times, and to be present when you do. You never know when something completely beyond your control is going to sideline you. Happiness is only as big as the people you share it with.
2. Once in a while, truth is more important than kindness
There are times when it’s more important to be honest than kind. For me, this is true when discussing things I won’t compromise on, like my livelihood, my time, and my core values. When discussing those things, truth trumps kindness. As Dr. Gabor Mate says, “Don’t soothe people’s feelings by negating your own.”
3. I’ve been blessed with a lot
I read a lot of Hemingway last year, and this quote stuck with me the most. It’s a good reminder to count my blessings and be grateful.
“I had an inheritance from my father, it was the moon and the sun. And though I roam all over the world, the spending of it’s never done.”
4. Man’s got to have a code
Yes, I watched The Wire this year, finally. It’s easily one of the best TV series I’ve ever seen. Omar’s insistence that you need to have a code, and the idea that you should never trust anyone who’s adamant in one direction about a clearly complex problem, are the two main things I took from the series.
5. Work in bursts
When you’re stressed, work in bursts. Set a time limit and do what you can in the time you’ve allotted. I learned this in a really great Darius Foroux article. This has helped me a lot when work piles up. I’m also working hard to get better at starting things. It’s truly half the battle for me.
6. How to help with grief
Don’t just say during grief, “If you need me call me”. Say, “Can I bring meals over on Wednesday and Thursday?” Take affirmative action. If they say no, that’s okay!
Remember: Pity isn’t purposeful.
7. The journey is the reward
I’ve started saying “slow down, you’re here” a lot. I saw it on a road sign at a park and took it a lot less literally than it was intended to be understood. Along with being a reminder to tap the brakes, the phrase is a great reminder to be present (which in some way, shape, or form makes it onto my birthday thoughts list every year).
This Robert Louis Stevenson quote from Virginibus Puerisque (1881) drives the thought home.
“Little do ye know your own blessedness; for to travel hopefully is a better thing than to arrive, and the true success is to labour.”
Slow down, you’re here. To travel well is better than to arrive.
8. A yes should be a yes
And no should be a no. A yes that feels like a no, isn’t really a yes. It’s like driving with your brakes on.
When you say yes to something, be all in on it. Don’t second guess it. Live in the yes. If you say yes and live in resentment, you’re not living in the choice you made. Support yourself in all your decisions.
9. Don’t fuse thoughts with truth
Thoughts are just thoughts. They’re often bullshit. Too often we’re geared to fuse them with truth, which they most certainly are not. If our running thoughts were a person, they’d be the most annoying friend in the world. You wouldn’t want to hang out with that person and you certainly wouldn’t take what they say so seriously. Think about your thoughts in the same light. They aren’t truth. Watch your thoughts, and be sure you ask yourself what you’re believing. It’s quite possibly bullshit.
10. Let go of resentment
Letting go of a resentment is not a gift to the person you resent. It is, rather, a gift to yourself. The moment you start to resent a person, you become his slave, because you let him change you. Living with resentment is like taking poison and expecting the other guy to get sick.
11. Pause
When you feel anger, sadness, anxiety, or fear, pause. Rather than being your emotions, be the awareness behind them.
“Between stimulant and response is a space. In this space is where you find freedom.” -Victor Frankl
12. Watch for resulting
Equating the quality of a decision with the quality of an outcome is called resulting in poker, and it’s illogical. Just because you went all-in with king-high and won the pot doesn’t make it a good decision.
Though equating the quality of decisions with the quality of outcomes feels right at times, it’s dangerous. It’s akin to driving drunk, making it home safe, and then drawing the conclusion that your decision was a good one. Resulting leaves you unable to effectively evaluate your decision-making process. On the flip side, an unwanted result doesn’t make your decision wrong. Remember this and you’ll make better decisions in the future.
13. Be bold
In his autobiography, Bob Iger, former CEO of the Walt Disney Company, says that since the average CEO’s tenure is only 4-years, you might as well be bold. Most long shots aren’t as long as they seem. I think this can be applied to life in general. It’s short. Might as well be bold.
14. A dog will humble you
I am now on the schedule of a growing puppy and I have virtually no say in the matter. I hope it’s preparing me for being a dad, even if in a small way. Frank is helping me be a bit more selfless. A good lesson.
15. Maybe
Don’t cling to things. Don’t label events good or bad. Just live. Here’s the story of the Chinese farmer.
16. Hard work is worth it
We spent the back-half of the year renovating a house, and the payoff has been glorious. This was a challenging year, and we decided to invest our time and money into putting us in a good place for next year. At times we wondered if it was worth it, and now that we’re here, there’s no question that it was worth the work. Most hard things are.
Here’s hoping that next year’s post has no mention of pandemics. Cheers to making the best of a challenging year.